HELP WANTED

GARBAGE WOMAN NEEDED 4 WORKPLACE DIVERSITY Seeking individual woman with experience in toxic waste removal. Must be comfortable with feces, rotting, spoiled foodstuffs and foul-mouthed disrespect. Mothers to the front of the line. Apply by attaching most recent family photo in email - junglejim4356@yahoo.com. Subject: DUMPTRUCKETTE

DREAMCATCHER CALIBRATOR Looking to hire applicants possessing soothing dispositions. Nightmare-having individuals need not apply. Must be available for overnight assignments. Flexible Hours. Good wages. Upward mobility possible.

 

ITEMS FOR SALE

VINTAGE TOASTER 1967 Philco Toastem' Up Oven (T). ORIGINAL CONDITION- Has never been washed. LIMITED EDITION! Recalled after initial product release. WORKS GREAT! Unique bread toasting is a surprise every time. Occasionally shoots soot and flame approx. 3 feet into air...TWO IN ONE! Great for lighting cigars and starting your fireplace. Cord spliced in several places. Duct Tape not included. Sold as is.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

TO THE PERSON REPLACING MY DOORMAT WITH VEGETABLES I thank you.

REGARDING TRUMPET SOUNDS "Until the amount requested is deposited into the bank account listed below I will be practicing my trumpet from 6 P.M. to 11 P.M nightly at corner of 7th and Mason Avenue. Thanks for 10 years of business. Paul. Acct #: 754644654 Routing #: 7642765287.

LOST: ONE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR Lost my boxer briefs along the side of John R. Street. Checkered design. If seen please call Kenny ‪(313) 936-0799‬ and ask for Peter.

 

MISSED CONNECTIONS

CLOPPERS COFFEE SHOP, YESTERDAY AFTERNOON You were near the window engrossed in a VCR Manual from 1995. You farted loudly, and blamed the old woman nearby. You gazed at me - I was the one in the dungarees. Call me c/o landlord (Phone is on the fritz) and ask for Barry.

LOST GLOVE, POTENTIAL CONNECTION? Found a single, slightly damp, lime-green glove near the artisan cheese shop on Bleecker Street. If you're missing its partner and love dairy, let's connect. .

 

Reminder: No Soliciting (That means you Chrystal Giudice)!!