With Detroit growing in popularity and Summertime right around the corner, it's the time of year when suburbanites crawl out of their rural structures and swarm upon the city like the invasive species they are. It's not their fault that they are the way they are - they're hard wired this way. Nonetheless, here in the city, it's important to take proper precautions, including knowing what a suburbanite is and how to spot one. That's why we've compiled this list of 9 sure ways to spot a suburbanite in Detroit.

1. They ride the QLine. And they post about it.
“This is so European!” They declare while traveling three blocks in 11 minutes. They treat the people mover like it’s Disneyland and not a suspended, metal metaphor for their life: Going nowhere in air conditioned comfort.

2. They wear a Detroit vs Everybody hoodie with Old Navy jeans and tan boots.
Nothing screams authenticity like purchasing civic pride at Somerset Mall. Bonus points if they refer to the shirt as “my urban look,” or wear irrelevant cowboy attire of any kind.

3. They say “downtown” but mean Campus Martius.
As if the entire 143 square miles of the city begins and ends at a single Christmas tree.

4. They’re afraid of street parking like it’s a trap out of Saw IV.
They will circle the block for 30 minutes to find a valet in front of a restaurant. Meanwhile, resident Detroiters are parallel parking on a side street while eating a Mexican Pizza with one hand and maneuvering a steering wheel with a broken power steering line with the other.

5. They ask if they can “Uber back to Royal Oak” from the Riverwalk.
As if rideshare apps are a magic carpet that whisk you away from the city once the sun sets. You can hear them asking, “Wait, is this still Detroit?” every three blocks.

6. They loudly declare they feel “safe here!”
In the middle of a public space, during brunch on a Sunday. You'd think they were defectors from a war-torn nation, not eating Avocado toast off Woodward Avenue. Calm down, Karen-from-Birmingham.

7. They take selfies with murals like they’re on safari.
Art is their proof of life. “Look, Becky, I made it to the Dequindre Cut and lived! #UrbanAdventure #CityVibes #MyFeetHurt” That's not fun graffiti art, Karen, that's gangland tagging, you've strayed too far off the beaten path.

8. They refer to Eastern Market as a “hidden gem.”
Hidden where? Behind your fear of black people? The market is older than your mortgage. You’re not Indiana Jones. You’re holding a $17 bag of artisanal honeyed almonds. Sit down. Drink your Faygo.

9. They always leave right before dark like they’re Cinderella, but racist.
Somewhere around 5:37 PM a silent alarm goes off in their DNA. You can see it in their eyes: the distant stare of someone who just remembered they left their Range Rover unlocked off Jefferson.

If you’re unsure whether someone is a suburbanite in Detroit, just wait. They’ll tell you. Right after they say, “We love coming down here! It’s come so far!”

Yes. It has.
You, however, are still finding parking.